The ghost of a city

I am here but do not exist,
So why do I persist to insist on my presence,
When the closest i'll ever be to being alive is a ghost in this city.
Why do I insist on living when my existence depends on the dying.
I feel the exhaustion behind my eyes and treat them like lies I tell myself are true.
The night is for sleeping ,yet I find my eyes wide open,
Thinking as if it was day dreaming of soft wispy clouds,
Wishing for the comfort of night.
If I could die I would, if I can wake, grab me by both arms
And shake the vagueness from my senses,
The haziness from my gaze and the fog from my night.
Leave me cold and crisp or hot and alive.

Mudguards

I didn’t know mudguards could be so revealing. So I needed a set of mudguards for my bicycle. They prevent dirt and mud and water from spraying your back and front when cycling, particularly when the ground is wet or when cycling in the rain. I wanted to get some on eBay. The cheapest and most decent looking ones were from East Asia and therefore, would take approximately three to four weeks to arrive. By then, I would have finished my exams and undergoing preparations to go back to my hometown. So what would be the point? So I decided if you want it so cheap suck it up and go to the pound stores. I think part of me thought I wouldn’t find one and if I did the colour would be so awkward, I wouldn’t want to get one. The first store I went to sold them in blue, the second had them in black. I should have been ecstatic right? No, I wasn’t. I didn’t want these mudguards from these shops. I am happy to buy a lot of things from ‘these shops’ as long as people do not know it is from there. This mudguard will stick out proudly behind my bicycle and advertise itself. I know my fellow cyclists will know where I got it from. Shocking! Yes I shocked myself. So I decided I’d rather have nothing at all, than having to compensate with a cheap quality something. If something is worth investing in, it should make you feel good and proud. PRIDE

I also have an obsession about having too much things, because I can be rather disorganised, messy and clumsy but also I have a traveller’s mentality. I try to avoid having too much clutter. I don’t like the idea of baggage and things slowing me down. And the idea of moving my bike and its mudguard sticking at a funny angle or, my mudguard slowing me down whilst cycling put me off. SIMPLICITY

Then I also thought why do I need to cycle in the rain when I actually only cycle to save time.

I remember a Business Studies lecturer constantly saying, time is a commodity, time is money, you won’t get your time back and I would quote him as well. But one of my friends kept replying, it’s your time, how do you want to spend it? I read a story once about a man and his colleague waiting for a train. His colleague mentioned that there was an earlier train that would allow them to save 20 minutes. So he agreed and got on the train. When they got to their destination he saw a bench and sat down. His colleague asked why he did such a thing. He said what did they save the time for?

When I was coming to university, I didn’t want to bring my bike with me. There was a reason. When I use my bike, I rush. I want to fit more into my day than is necessary. I wanted to use walking as a tool to slow me down. So I rationalised that when the ground was wet or when it rains I should not use my bike, hence no need for mudguards. I should be more organised so that when it rains, I allow enough time to get too my destination, just like I wanted in my first year at University. It didn’t last by the way. TIME AND ORGANISATION

Wow! So trying to buy some mudguards for a bargain price shows that, I care what people think of me and that I need to slow down. 

We have a valuable lesson her. When it rains maybe we need to spend a bit more time doing fewer things.

I bought the mudguard even though the argument for was a ratio of 1:2.

Bible Study: Revelations

Good old bible study has started yesterday evening and I can't say I'm not happy. It's been difficult with all the busyness, to find a time to get together, but we did!

We didn't have a plan, praise the Lord and Katherine decided we should read Revelations. We read the first chapter and about the first 2 churches out of the seven. It is beautiful to see descriptions Jesus uses which have been used also in the gospels or old testament. They include references to churches as lamp-stands, producing light for the world to see; the word which is referred to as a double edged sword and God saying I am the Alpha and Omega and Jesus saying , I am the First and the Last.

It was shocking, reading about the the first church and how they did well, but needed to go back to their first love, which is Jesus and his people and we discussed how we can let distractions move us further away from God and how suffering brings us closer to God shown by the second church. More exciting, were references to the tree of life which was mentioned in Genesis after the sin of Adam and Eve and the crown of life which we are yet to find out about. We were undecided about the differences between soul and spirit, so we need to do our research. Nevertheless, a lovely evening all in all. It is good to read the bible.

Another poem...

If I could be anything in the world

I would be a taster

Someone who tries everything

Till they find their coaster

Of course not everything would be rosy

Nor always full of laughter

But at the end of the day I can put my feet up and say

I am a part and a player

In the game of life

Summer Vacation Student Pharmacy Post at the General Hospital...Poem

We love our drugs
And we love our robot
But most of all we love each other

A Pharmacy can be an intense environment....I can also be an intense person as I do not make conversation easily with new people...but I am writing poems to lighten my heart!

Iya (Suffering) Asa (Asha) ft Kezia Jones lyrics

This is as close as I can get it, if you find something wrong please correct. If you want to add the chords…please comment.

We just dey die for nothing, too much disease for this land

Every day we go dey pray, God help us, save us

Too much money pass my eyes, all natures do na smell am

Man mus  work and just (get) survive but illusions, plenty

Chorus

Ko mo de ma sheru lojo iya ni iya ni oh oh

Ke mi ma lubata fe gbe mi oh oh o iya ni, iya ti o da

Ai mon iye yan lati she gbe iya ni, iya ni oh oh

Ai mon iye yan tio rishe she iya ni, iya ti o da oh oh, I ya ni, iya ti o da

Vs 2

Brothers they kill each other, hatred dey fly out of people

Coz the justice flow like water, in the now distrustful nation

Brother Sisters make a way come, and see the way this worl an turn around

Wagin war nobe watin we want, coz peace na watin we need

Brother Sisters make a way come, and see the way this worl an turn around

Wagin war nobe watin we want, coz peace na watin we need

Chorus

Ko mo de ma sheru lojo iya ni iya ni oh oh

Ke mi ma lubata fe gbe mi oh oh o iya ni, iya ti o da

Ai mon iye yan lanti  she gbe iya ni, iya ni oh oh

Ai mon iye yan ti o rishe she iya ni, iya ni oh oh oh oh

Make them see you now, make them see you now

Ade hear, Ade hear oh, Asa Ade here oh

I say Ade hear

Sister ade hear, ade hear, everybody say yeah, yeah,

Brother, waitin na dey talk for now, na serious business, you know

Serious business dey for town, serious business it pass my power

I say it pass my power, eh, eh, it pass my power, kezia tell them make them hear oh

To ba she bo she fe si mi orun a wo 2x

Ko le ya ko ya, ko le ya ko ya

Ko le do guun, ko do gun 2x

Ojo pa ewe igoko 4x

Ko le yak o ya, to ba leke yak o ya

(Ojo pa ewe igoko)

People, people hurry, you hear what I’m saying to you now

(Ojo pa ewe igoko)

Last Minute Syndrome

Now this is not a scientifically proven condition, so don’t take my word as fact. But lately in my third year of university, I have looked back on my time keeping record and I can say that it has not been good.

I had a job during the summer before A-levels. I never even made an effort to at least come in 10 minutes early. I am always rushing through the door at the last minute, making a mental note to be early the next time. Same thing happened with the job I had during my gap year.

All the jobs I had were pretty much a close proximity to home. I can cycle or walk, but I have found the greater the distance from home to work, the more you are likely to calculate for unforeseen circumstances and actually leave the house early.

School/University: Assignments, notes, reading, preparation for labs…all done in the last minute.

The question is why and how do we make progress towards solving it.

I think part of it is complacent. You are doing something you probably don’t enjoy and you may have lost the original spark, to the point that you need the pressure of last minute to keep you going. In this case, maybe a bit of inspiration before work, like doing something you enjoy at home in the morning at work. It may be reading the newspaper, a cup of coffee, catching up with the news on your phone or just reading a book. Transferring the location ensures you are not rushing in last minute.

To be quite frank, it seems that when we rush in last minute, we actually do not care. So why torture ourselves. We are given the ideology that, working hard now may be unpleasant but in the future we will get our reward. At least that’s what my mum tells me. We have made the silly assumption that in the future there will be a reward, or there will be a future. I know it’s harsh, but it’s not pessimistic. What if you don’t like the reward or it’s not what you dreamt up to be. This I think is the hardest jump because I think it requires risk taking. We must do something outside our comfort zone. It may even be something that we really love but the idea has been mi-sold.

Life is trial and error. Unless it’s a mathematical algorithm relating to something that never changes, it will go wrong sooner or later. We got to take risks sometimes. It might be a little step, but it could be one in the right direction. As for university students who may have lost their first year fire and are doing other things to cover up the fact that the course is no longer enjoyable and actually feels torturous, look for something to look forward to, surrounding your course. Do something outside yourself. In a world that is all about me, it is sometimes good to stop and do something for free!