The ghost of a city

I am here but do not exist,
So why do I persist to insist on my presence,
When the closest i'll ever be to being alive is a ghost in this city.
Why do I insist on living when my existence depends on the dying.
I feel the exhaustion behind my eyes and treat them like lies I tell myself are true.
The night is for sleeping ,yet I find my eyes wide open,
Thinking as if it was day dreaming of soft wispy clouds,
Wishing for the comfort of night.
If I could die I would, if I can wake, grab me by both arms
And shake the vagueness from my senses,
The haziness from my gaze and the fog from my night.
Leave me cold and crisp or hot and alive.

Mudguards

I didn’t know mudguards could be so revealing. So I needed a set of mudguards for my bicycle. They prevent dirt and mud and water from spraying your back and front when cycling, particularly when the ground is wet or when cycling in the rain. I wanted to get some on eBay. The cheapest and most decent looking ones were from East Asia and therefore, would take approximately three to four weeks to arrive. By then, I would have finished my exams and undergoing preparations to go back to my hometown. So what would be the point? So I decided if you want it so cheap suck it up and go to the pound stores. I think part of me thought I wouldn’t find one and if I did the colour would be so awkward, I wouldn’t want to get one. The first store I went to sold them in blue, the second had them in black. I should have been ecstatic right? No, I wasn’t. I didn’t want these mudguards from these shops. I am happy to buy a lot of things from ‘these shops’ as long as people do not know it is from there. This mudguard will stick out proudly behind my bicycle and advertise itself. I know my fellow cyclists will know where I got it from. Shocking! Yes I shocked myself. So I decided I’d rather have nothing at all, than having to compensate with a cheap quality something. If something is worth investing in, it should make you feel good and proud. PRIDE

I also have an obsession about having too much things, because I can be rather disorganised, messy and clumsy but also I have a traveller’s mentality. I try to avoid having too much clutter. I don’t like the idea of baggage and things slowing me down. And the idea of moving my bike and its mudguard sticking at a funny angle or, my mudguard slowing me down whilst cycling put me off. SIMPLICITY

Then I also thought why do I need to cycle in the rain when I actually only cycle to save time.

I remember a Business Studies lecturer constantly saying, time is a commodity, time is money, you won’t get your time back and I would quote him as well. But one of my friends kept replying, it’s your time, how do you want to spend it? I read a story once about a man and his colleague waiting for a train. His colleague mentioned that there was an earlier train that would allow them to save 20 minutes. So he agreed and got on the train. When they got to their destination he saw a bench and sat down. His colleague asked why he did such a thing. He said what did they save the time for?

When I was coming to university, I didn’t want to bring my bike with me. There was a reason. When I use my bike, I rush. I want to fit more into my day than is necessary. I wanted to use walking as a tool to slow me down. So I rationalised that when the ground was wet or when it rains I should not use my bike, hence no need for mudguards. I should be more organised so that when it rains, I allow enough time to get too my destination, just like I wanted in my first year at University. It didn’t last by the way. TIME AND ORGANISATION

Wow! So trying to buy some mudguards for a bargain price shows that, I care what people think of me and that I need to slow down. 

We have a valuable lesson her. When it rains maybe we need to spend a bit more time doing fewer things.

I bought the mudguard even though the argument for was a ratio of 1:2.

Bible Study: Revelations

Good old bible study has started yesterday evening and I can't say I'm not happy. It's been difficult with all the busyness, to find a time to get together, but we did!

We didn't have a plan, praise the Lord and Katherine decided we should read Revelations. We read the first chapter and about the first 2 churches out of the seven. It is beautiful to see descriptions Jesus uses which have been used also in the gospels or old testament. They include references to churches as lamp-stands, producing light for the world to see; the word which is referred to as a double edged sword and God saying I am the Alpha and Omega and Jesus saying , I am the First and the Last.

It was shocking, reading about the the first church and how they did well, but needed to go back to their first love, which is Jesus and his people and we discussed how we can let distractions move us further away from God and how suffering brings us closer to God shown by the second church. More exciting, were references to the tree of life which was mentioned in Genesis after the sin of Adam and Eve and the crown of life which we are yet to find out about. We were undecided about the differences between soul and spirit, so we need to do our research. Nevertheless, a lovely evening all in all. It is good to read the bible.